I can only tell you that it CAN get better. When I joined PC I was in the middle of a horrible mixed episode and I cycled between that and severe depression for months. I had always cycled all over and 40plus meds and 70some combinations of meds had not helped. Eventually I reached the end of the line for me and went on clozapine and I got better. Now I can realize I'm mildly mixed on Sunday and have a med adjustment and be better by the following Saturday. My life isn't perfect but I'm not mixed and I'm not depressed even though I am grieving for my cat.

I'm not saying you need clozapine, just that was what helped me. But I do want you to know that it is never hopeless. If I got better anyone can. Really.