There is so much online about this...you could be studying it forever. It still hurts.

I will hand out one observation based on my experience. For some reason one becomes vulnerable and that is when the narcissist steps in. I have noticed that I only attract toxic people when I am going through a tough time.

What was happening before you met him? Did you have some disappointments in your life? Were you lonely? Were you dealing with life difficulties i.e. a rough patch in your career, change in finances, losing a family member?

What red flags did you ignore?

Usually the narcissist shows a false front to the world. It is like a mask. They will mold themselves in a way that you find pleasing. When that mask is finally ripped off...it is a real trauma. I think this is the most difficult thing to accept. You don't miss the narcissist. You miss who you thought the narcissist was.

I just went through this with a friend...a very old friend. I ignored red flags such as bad behavior towards me, the friend not keeping promises...and finally...lies...outright boldface lies...duplicity...gaslighting...put-downs...but I woke up once and for all when... the person exploded in a tantum-like rage and tore their mask off altogether...and said extremely cruel and mean things. Because of the length of the friendship this person knew exactly what would hurt me the most. This happened last April and I am still traumatized. I never thought I would cry so much over a gal pal...but to me she was like a sister and we shared so much history. I still can't believe this happened. I did not see it coming.

Of course a few months later came the text about how the pandemic is making everyone a bit crazy....lalala...like making light of the fact I was basically soul-murdered by well-chosen daggers.

No.

No. I said no. I said the trauma of this witchery sent me into sessions of online counseling for PTSD and basically I wanted no further contact. (I have kept to that.)

I realized this person was just "hoovering" back to see if they could extort more attention. They didn't apologize and did not care at all how their actions affected me.

No Contact is the ONLY way. Become educated,,,because you need to confirm it for yourself that no contact is the best way to go.

Malignant narcissist abuse is such a shockingly painful experience - personally I think it is one of the worst hells on earth - it erodes our sense of trust and love (for a time) - and I am very very sorry you are in the thick of it.

If you fail at no contact, try again. Don't think it won't work. It will. It can take multiple attempts before you are strong enough. Take care of yourself (especially well) during this painful time in your life.

Best of luck. Be strong.