Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
Hi Rebecca,
I reread your thread, but I’m not sure what to say. It looks like her $500 rental didn’t work and she’s back home. Why?
Her behavior is abusive, and she is being allowed to get away with it. She is 21.
I do understand your dilemma in being afraid to put her out of your house because she may have a disorder and you fear she won’t be able to care for herself.
You are allowing her to act like your equal. That’s one thing you can definitely change no matter what is her real issue. Don’t engage with her if she throws your transgressions in your face. She’s just trying to deflect her bad behavior.
Can’t you and your husband unite to give her an adult time out? You’d both ignore her ranting, tell her it’s your house and your rules. If you tell her to wash the pot, and she wants to use it, she’ll have no choice but to wash the pot. Tell her to get away from you both, go to her room or leave the house until she cools off. Yes, gray rock and no tolerance of disrespect in union with your husband to enforce.
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Thank you for your reply. So, her $500 a month room was ending on December 31st, 2019. She asked if she could come home until April, when her new house was going to be ready. Unfortunately, with covid she lost her job and the house fell through.
There's a few things at play here. First of all, I do not get the united front from my husband that I need. Second of all, I agree that she acts like an equal. Giving her time outs or asking her to leave does not work. She simply refuses to leave. That night, I was the one to retreat to my bedroom to escape her. She simply fronts you up.
I feel like unless I had supernanny or a psych expert in my ear telling me exactly how to respond I simply don't know what to do and blame myself. Part of me thinks I cannot manage this and I simply need to be not living with her ever again.
To add a little context as to what she is like, she has a fiancee and the other night she came home with him and asked us to mute the TV and then she proceeded to rant to me and her dad with the fiancee sitting there, saying he had lied to her. It was absolutely awkward and uncomfortable and completley inappropriate. A few days later they are hanging out again. It's so toxic it's untrue...
I'm fed up with it all. I tried. I took mentall illness classes and we went to therapy for years. I feel like I tried...