I went to yoga today - as t asked me to - and today's was all "restful" poses. One really made me feel exposed and the alters scared - mainly the littles. I'm doing so much better than in the past; i wouldn't have even done the pose, or before that i would have tried it, triggered, and run out crying. so i was there in that pose, and the littles were telling me they didn't feel safe, they didn't like it. I said "we're ok.... we're doing fine". they said they wanted me to stop the pose. I told them "we can hold it - it won't be much longer". they said - just because you can, doesn't mean you should - we're scared and it would be nice if you would stop the pose *for us*. oh. so i curled into a safer pose for them. Looking back, I see where they were starting to take control of the body in places and telling me they felt unsafe - they cross the feet at the ankles when ever that happens. So I mean -they're not too mad at me (because I did finally listen and do as they asked) but they're not real chipper either (since it took me so darn long to respond to them in the way they needed). I am not allowed to praise myself for it - but just to acknowledge that I did finally take care of them. We went to the store and they bought chocolate chips and ate several handfulls
so i feel a bit sick. but they were trying to self soothe and regroup. have been a bit disoriented since then.... and yet, i do feel like i did sort of do good self care. sort of.