During my walk this morning, I was thinking about this thread. I agree with Divine that we have to be careful about diagnosing others. For example, in my case, I also had bad boundaries and was too enmeshed in their emotions. They basically could easily find blame with their parents rather than take responsibility. This was my fault because they are good kids with problems and weaknesses like all of us but I had put them on a unrealistic pedelstal which must have been quite confusing. There were times I rescued them from their own mistakes which I did out of emotional love for them. We want our children to be loved but in my case I have to be careful not to let high emotions cause me to make the situation worse. In these family drama's, many times, everyone made mistakes so it is important to eventually learn to forgive ourselves and each other and move on. She is only 21 so she has a lot to learn and IMO the best thing we can do in addition to having simple boundaries is just to let them go and advise them less. We have to remember, that they are adults and how sweet their life is is mostly up to them.

PS. Perhaps you will be able to eventually relate to the YouTube video on this thread: Twelve Precious Truths a Wayward Child Can Teach Us