Looking back I've been depressed since I was roughly 13 years old. But what if it was before then? But I hid it well? Someone once asked me at high school if I had ADHD I was really upset by this I came home and cried to my Mum. So mania/hypo-mania obviously were about back then. How did no-one realise I was in need of help. Even God didn't know. Am I just a good hider. Is it possible to be sneeky like that when your hormones are playing havoc with your mind?

If God is real and God is here for us why be evil and give us this horrible illness. I really am angry as I don't want it. I've missed my 20's and 30's due to my anger towards it and being 'ill'. Maybe I'm just meant to be hyper all the time. Maybe I don't deserve help that is given.

I guess I'm a lost cause..... if i don't get answers I need then how can i move on?

Ps on another note there is a test online called Young Mania Scale i found it through Wikipedia. Its a self assessment and they tally up your score out of 60. I got 29/60 says I'm manic. I don't know if I am or not who knows just thought I would share a bit of info with you guys