The several emails this week have left me feeling rather axious about our session in a little bit. My stomach is upset. Talking about why I push people away may be difficult. Yes I found strength but I also found an area for growth. I"m scared for what you may say in regards to countertransference. I know that the assignment on countertransference will bring up things that I'd rather not say. But I know that the only way to make me into who I want to be, is to talk about these hot button topics. As I type ,I can feel a slight relaxation coming. Still anxious. 30 minutes until we talk. I know that you have worked with students before, and you're good at it. I respect you. But I don't want you to see me differently. I"m scared. WHY? because of that opening that the castle has done, the wounds are still fresh. I know that in the mock session I experienced countertransfrence and it caused a difficult situation. I know that i have things to work through. It doesn't mean that fear can't be there.

I need to relax. But i have been stressed for years, and I have a hard time relaxing. My body is feeling the effects of not relaxing. I need to do something to free up my mind. I need to slow down. But then I look around and think, I can't. I need to relax before this session. I do have coloring books in my room. Maybe I should spend some time doing that before talking to you. Yet,, I"m not moving towards those books. Do I have more to say, or is it something else?? I havent' done any crocheting in a few weeks due to my hand. That helpes me to relax. I need something else.