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*Beth* · Aug 01, 2020, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I am curious so I sent off this list to Betterhelp T to see what his response, if any, will be. I had a session with him today and it sure does help to really talk through all my obsessive thoughts and how it all came about. I am not ungrateful for x-T's help and attention as he did try damn hard to help me but it is clear he was young and did not realize this would happen. Even so he could have faced his mistakes and talked about it with me instead of running from it.

Betterhelp T feels if I can find a connection with someone in real life this will all calm down. Maybe and maybe not. Maybe I will just obsessively attach to that person and drive them away as well. The core problem within me is not "fixed" or healed and I am not even sure how it does resolve.

Uh...haha...I do not agree with BetterHelp T. No, with an unresolved transference - yeah, you're correct - you will likely transfer the unresolved feelings directly to another person.

I told you about my experience with my long-time therapist not guiding me through transference, then (with zero warning) he left his job and I never saw him again.

I continued to twist myself crazy over the unresolved transference and the result was that I met a man a year later who reminded me in many ways of my T. This man had been a psychiatrist, but had given up his practice and gone on to teach at a university. I happened to meet him at an art reception and immediately fell for him. Like, crazy-hard. All those transference issues I had not worked through dumped right onto him and we had an affair that lasted for 3 years (we were both married).

One day I woke up as from a completely freaky dream and accepted that what I was doing was making a mess of my life. The man I was having the affair with wanted me to move with him somewhere and I had a husband and children. So I ended it right there. But obviously, the transference just bounced from one man to the next.

That core problem does need to be fixed. It was true for me and I can say with confidence that it's true for anyone who is experiencing a strong transference.