Laura, I am sorry that you are struggling with this. Whether religious or not, many of us struggle with this at one time or another.

I am not religious, but I pray and find comfort in prayer.

I have struggled with why bad things have happened to people who didn't seem to deserve it such as babies, who haven't had a chance to be naughty yet.

One long drive, I heard a radio interview with Rabbi Harold Kushner about his book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." The interview and reading the book helped me, even though I am not Jewish. Some takeaways are freely available on the Internet. He wrote not only as his experience as a Rabbi but also as a parent of a child with a degenerative diseases with only a few years to live. He struggled with his faith and his book is the result.

There is a PsychologyToday blog post about this "Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People? Bad things happen for the same reason anything happens." by Dr. Ralph Lewis a psychiatrist. He too struggled with this question when his young wife was diagnosed with life-threatening cancer. As he writes, so many people struggle with this that it has its own term: "The theological problem of trying to explain why evil and suffering exist in the world is referred to as theodicy. The central quandary is this: “Why do terrible things happen in a world governed by an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-good God?” Lewis gives a secular response: "Why would bad things not happen to good people? Or, more simply and crudely put, “Sh*t happens.”

For me, when I struggle with this , I only increase my own suffering...

Best wishes and peace!