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Originally Posted by imaginethat
My mother is the most critical, pessimistic people I've known. I'm good at not fighting over statements she makes but I don't know if I fake it anymore.
She turns every remotely negative event (any event really) into meaning that I'm an inferior, flawed, stupid person. Mothers should be supportive and not drag you down. They shouldn't make you feel like you can't do anything right.
I feel like I should be over this now that I'm nearly 50.
How do you deal with a mother like this other than never see her again? My dad isn't like this. He's the best dad a person could have. But he has trouble dealing with her, too. They've almost gotten divorced.
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My only thought is to accept her for what she is. Do not look to her for what you know she will not give. Find that elsewhere in a friend, a mentor, your father, or in yourself.
Families are like teams. Sometimes we have teammates that are a poor fit for their roles. However, everyone has a gift to give. Things can be greatly improved when we do not try to force others to be what they are not and find ways to leverage whatever it is they do best. Is there anything your mom does well that you can learn from or enjoy?
In the event there's just nothing you can find to appreciate about your mother, it may just be worthwhile to not invest too much in your time with her and distance yourself emotionally. That can be incredibly sad, but it helps when it feels like there is no clear route to enjoying each other. All mothers are flawed (I certainly am) and human. Any forgiveness you can find in your heart will help you to accept and let go.
Sending support your way. I know what its like to be mistreated by your mom. That pain can be incredibly difficult. I hope you find your way to greater happiness together.
