I’ve posted enough about the un-repairable rupture with my last T. She terminated me 5 years ago after 6 years of therapy saying that she didn’t “have the emotional resources” to continue.

From a real-world perspective, if she didn’t have the resources, then she didn’t. But from the context of the therapy “relationship”, and the kinds of feelings that arose and that I developed while talking to her – it was devastating.

She didn’t have the “resources”. I’m guessing because of her own countertransference? Something about me was just “too much”.

But her “rejection” and abandonment triggered enormous hatred and vengeful, retaliatory impulses/wishes that had NEVER been in my conscious mind to my memory until then.

At that point, maybe the best way to describe it isn’t as “transference” but a full-fledged trigger and emotional flashback? And that “rupture” put me back into an emotional battlefield like I experienced as a child?

The CPTSD perspective is perhaps helpful for this situation. But what is still missing, from what I can tell, is an understanding of how one develops a sense of self and belonging and relatedness to community once the basic opportunity for that in childhood was lost.

It is NOT something I can do by myself. I don’t think I’m alone in needing something like that in order to be a contributing member of society, which is something I feel I need/want in order to be happy. To be fulfilled as a human being. And the good of society is better served when more people can do this, I think. Not just thrust us dysfunctional ones off to the side.

I’m grateful to this forum for the opportunity to post my views and to read about the experiences of others.

Any thoughts, feelings, or experiences anybody else would like to post along similar lines?