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I wish I would be okay with just "normal" therapy. Seeing my T on a schedule, but if she's out I can calmly wait until she returns, no big deal. A situation in which I'm not freaking out all the time over the fear that she'll leave altogether.
But the transference thing is in there and no matter what I do, I can't get rid of it. I suppose it has to do with the childhood trauma I've mentioned in this thread. There was absolutely no one who bothered to protect me. I mean, today CPS would have been involved, but things were very different back then. People didn't get into other people's business and talking about personal stuff outside of home was just not done.
My T...it feels like she really does feel protective of me - except when she's out sick. Then it feels like she just disappears. And it feels like I'm going crazy.
I think my main question is whether to go through August doing what I did in July, which is checking every few days (or waiting to get a call) about my T being in - or not.
OR, do I just skip August and re-start therapy in September?
That's where I feel stuck.
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