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This is such a powerful thread it has me in tears.
I'm not even sure where to begin. I guess I'll just jump in and allow myself to sound disorganized and absolutely stupid, if need be.
Omers, you made me think about...
Family.
Up until about 5 years ago I was right there, sleeves rolled up and ready to work, for my family and extended family. I've always been reliable and responsible. As for them bothering to assist me...HA. My husband and I always pulled the entire load ourselves, and we've done so for almost 40 years. It's no wonder our marriage became shaky after some years. We were always under so much stress to carry all the weight. Now he and I no longer live under the same roof, but we are the dearest of friends. We're all we have in the world.
Eventually, it occurred to me that I was doing all the giving in my family and getting nothing in return. So I stopped doing the giving. Which is sad.
At this point, most of my family is dead (I was my parents' mid-life baby, so I was born into an "older" family). With the ones that are left, I might as well whistle Dixie. In May I had surgery on my achilles tendon. The recovery from that surgery is expected to be very slow. I really need someone to lend a hand, at least now and then. Just washing my cats' bowls one day would give me a huge break and save me some painful steps. Bringing me some dinner to freeze would make my life right now so much easier. Changing my sheets! OMG, that would be a life-saver.
My husband and I live 1 mile apart. He's 73 (much older than I am). While I'm recovering he does my grocery shopping and once per week, washes my laundry. He takes my garbage out a few times a week. I am so grateful, I don't even know...what would I do, were he not around? I have absolutely no idea. But that's it. He won't lift a finger to wash dishes, or sweep a floor.
My dear daughter, whom I have cherished from the moment she was born, who I have been there for through every tiny step of her life, being the best and most supportive, loving mom any mom could be, decided that when I had a break-down and went IP for one night 21 months ago, that she "couldn't handle the drama." She has not communicated with me since. She tells my husband that she "misses me." But never a call, nothing.
A few days ago, I learned from my sister that my daughter has just graduated from a prestigious university suma cum laude. I'm so proud of her, but am not permitted to share in any of the joy with her. It kills me.
My son is a golden-hearted man. He's a good soul, and he's very successful. He and his wife are spending a month working away from home (they live in San Francisco) at a home they've rented for the month. It's in a quaint little town in the mountains here.
But he doesn't get it! I really need some assistance right now. something. Anything. If he cannot spare the time, for pete's sake, send me 100$ so I can pay someone to come in and clean my apartment, so I don't have to risk the outcome of my surgery doing it myself. I know if I asked him, he'd gladly do it - but darned if I'll ask. To him, "Mom" is still a young, energetic woman who can handle it all.
My husband and I raised our kids well, as far as them becoming successful, "productive" members of society. But is it possible to love kids too much? Did I over-compensate because of the way I grew up? It tears me up.
As for my sister...pfffft. She wouldn't lift a finger to help me out. Period. She's simply not an extending person. I've lived in my apartment for 5 years, 20 miles from her. She has never once been here.
My therapist also (not infrequently) mentions that her family comes to help her with this or that. They pitch in, together. I think What's it like to have a charmed life?
I'm sorry, I've really gone off about my family. I'm just feeling so alone. It scares me for what's in my future.
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Last edited by *Beth*; Aug 02, 2020 at 02:19 PM.
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