I feel like there is no future anymore. I don't know how to exist in this state and it's only getting worse. I'd say I must not deserve children, but there are plenty of 'worse' people than me that are gifted with many children. So nothing means anything then. I haven't been able to eat this week because I'm so worried(terrified) and I know there aren't any answers for me. I'm scared to see you or contact you in case I feel like you are far away. Everyone feels so far away.