The hymns and prayers are fine. There's nothing wrong there inherently, but it is a symptom at the moment. I think at this point you know things are headed in a bad direction. All of the signs are there and you know how to help yourself. Why not do it? Why let it go on and put yourself in a bad place?

You started with the same pattern as before. You make a thread about how its ok to be off your meds. Then your family gets upset or you hide it. Your practitioners recommend meds and you refuse. Your friends get upset and don't want to listen. Next up is usually talking to strangers and inviting them to your place. Then regret.

You're at that sweet spot where you still have insight. That is like a superpower you can use. If you make a few changes you can head the bad side off at the pass.

You keep wondering if God is punishing you. To me, it feels more like you're choosing your path here. Do what you've got to do, but don't forget you have choices.