Hi Nikki,

I'm sorry you're back in a bad place. I have a similar experience to yours in that I often find myself sick and tired of fighting the same battles in my head over and over again. Coping mechanisms will work for a while and then stop working just because I'm tired of doing them repeatedly without any persistent, meaningful change.

What I'm finding out about myself is how important social connection is to me. Having friends and, most importantly, face-to-face contact with them, is critical to maintaining a sense of internal balance and self-regard. Without it, I get stuck in downward spirals of self-hatred and .

When you say you have no one to talk to and it's "your fault", what do you mean by that? Do you try to maintain social connection and are unable to?

I hope this forum will be able to help you as before. Maybe we'll even be able to come up with fresh new coping mechanisms that will provide you some relief. Welcome back and I look forward to hearing your story.