Thanks, HD! Yes, even after posting this, I'm still struggling. I said yes to a last minute job from an unknown client and that was not a good decision. Fortunately it's over now. I put post-its above my computer monitors that say "Say No!" So I remember to set boundaries with things that I cannot do.

The idea of being empathic always struck me as a silly notion. (Sorry, not meant to offend anyone who subscribes to that notion.) And while I don't really subscribe to the whole idea of there being "empaths", I do think that some of us pick up on other people's emotions more instinctively, and are more affected by those emotions. I don't think it's a special power. I think it's a honed muscle. I know that I tend to overly-identify with how other people feel, and sometimes get pulled into saying "yes" to things I don't want to, because of my empathy for that person. When one of my friends wants to vent late at night (not in crisis), and I need to sleep, I can find it hard to say no, because I feel strongly for them. But it's not just with friends, I tend to identify with how other people feel and want to help more than is healthy. Setting boundaries is crucial.

However, in setting boundaries, I have found that it can show you who is "safe" and who is not. For example, I didn't require this last minute client to do a phone call with me before accepting the work. That was a big mistake. If I had set my boundary and they refused, so I declined the work, I would be spared the small amount of discomfort at the close of this contract (it was just weird all around). But that red flag - I kept asking for a call and getting ignored, told me what I needed to know. And despite my empathy for them wanting to meet their deadline, I put myself at their mercy by accepting the work.

Like I said, no is a complete sentence.