To jimi and Raven and Buffy and anyone else who has ever had to deal with a situation like this: You have my heartfelt sympathy.

It's very difficult, first of all, to find people to talk with, who are objective and compassionate and wise about this sort of thing. I give you all so much credit for the strength with which you've conducted yourselves.

Secondly, in discussing it at all, we are often made to feel as if we're simply attention-seekers who are so taken with ourselves that we actually believe anyone would cling so dramatically to us in this way. We're made to feel guilty, somehow, and even complicit in some cases, as well. This is absolutely NOT the case, as stalkers simply do not recognize boundaries, for so many reasons. All our normal and patient attempts at getting them to grasp reality can feel like a futile exercise, one that starts to drag us down with them into their delusions, until the whole thing makes us question ourselves up and down.

It has happened to me on 3 separate occasions; but fortunately, not for a long time. It was terrifying and exhausting, and yet none of it ever reached the levels that you have all described.

All 3 resolved themselves when it was made clear to my stalkers that I had people who were willing to go the wall to protect me from them. Talking in circles and being vague did NOT work---it took straightforward and firm communication about what I expected, and what would happen if they didn't start to see it my way. (Not everybody has a hero to defend them, so I was really fortunate in that way. It helped, a lot.)

No one ever warns you that just being kind and patient with someone can lead to alla this nonsense and stress! There are bound to be many conflicting emotions swirling inside each particular situation, like a kind of mini-tornado, that needs to be sorted-out mostly at a later date, when you can think more clearly and rationally about it. The intervening time, though, can seem endless, and so troubling.

Speaking for myself only, it's led to trust issues, and I rolled-back on my openness and general warmth, in a lot of circumstances. I now only really open up to people that I know, w/o a doubt, I am exceedingly safe with.

Sending healing vibes....