Well back to no sleep. Didn’t sleep until 3am. I tried but no luck. I watched a few episodes of my 600 lb life (if that’s not inspiring for weight loss I don’t know what is) and a crazy hilarious new show I found on Hulu called sex sent me to the ER. Lots of crazy stories lol but not for the more conservative crowd. During the day I’ve been reading. I read two to three books a day. Right now I’m stuck in the foster caring memoir genre. Not that I would EVER be a foster parent. I just like reading how the children overcome their horrific abuse and neglect and move on to have productive lives (for the most part). I’ve read all of Cathy glass, Casey Watson, and now I’m on to Angela hart.

I’ve now run out of depakote as well. For some reason the pharmacy won’t fill it. Haven’t found out why. I halved my dosage for the next two days so I’ll only be without it for a day or two, I hope. I’ve read withdrawal is a *****. I hope I can get it before it kicks in. I think it will be fine. Just ****ing annoying. If my ****ing pdoc hadn’t canceled on me two weeks ago I wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Still having physical symptoms. Often I feel like something is wrong in my chest and I am short of breath, but it’s not exactly that...I just can’t describe it. I bought a pulse ox to monitor my pulse. It’s mostly in the 90-105 range. Just over the edge of tachycardic. I know the cardiologist is going to tell me I’m too fat and sedentary. I am working on the fat part. I’ve been counting calories diligently. I’ve lost seven pounds in six weeks, not so bad if you ask me. If I can keep it up it will probably be about a year before I am in the healthy weight range. Sigh. But it’s all about slow sustainable progress.

I do need to get more exercise, but it’s just been so hot! Heat index 105 today.

I have to reschedule my cardiologist appointment anyway. It’s supposed to be Tuesday while my son is at camp but there’s a tropical storm coming. His camp is outdoors. There is a pavilion but that won’t help if there’s 50 mph winds driving the rain sideways. I’m sure I can get another one for next week.

At least I’m not having any mood symptoms. Still dwelling on the past a lot but trying to forget about it.