I don’t believe having boundaries or non negotiable deal breakers make you a jerk. And if it does, so what. I’d rather be a jerk than miserable in my own home.

We discussed all that when we first met. My husband is easy going about things so details no matter to him. I am the opposite of easy going so non negotiable things need to be a certain way.

I told him that no one (we both have adult children) will live us as I had that issue in the past in other relationship. The only reason they would live with us if they become completely incapacitated. No other reason. Of course since our kids all live out of state as well as his sister and her family (mine lives close by) they are welcome to visit as much as they want (and they do) as long as it’s discussed when/how long so it’s mutually agreeable etc They come and visit and stay and it’s great. No one is moving in (they don’t want to move in but just in case). No friends will live with us. My husband has few friends who actually tried, hhhmm no.. If out of state they are welcome to visit, again upon discussion. If local they visit for dinner but then go home. No pets. My husband would love to have a zoo, both people have to want it. I do not. So no pets.

I like to help people but there are many other ways to do it. NO is a complete sentence.