I think by referring to having boundaries as “being a jerk” you set yourself up for hard times. No one wants to be a jerk so you keep doing things out of fear of being seen as a jerk.

But nothing in not wanting three cats or people staying over makes you a jerk. It’s not black and white. It’s not either “people pleaser” or a “jerk”. You can be a nice loving person yet be neither one of those.

Do you think nice people always say “yes” to everything? You have to be authentic self and live according to your core values, it doesn’t necessarily involves never saying “no” to people.