I'm just so lonely because of COVID-19. I want to see people in person. I took a shower and did my hair special to go out and socialize with my neighbors this evening. But only one of them was out. We had a nice chat but it was too short. I enjoyed seeing her and tried to take in the full experience by noticing her whole being and what she was wearing. She had a nice casual outfit on.

But it was only about ten minutes and now i'm back to just me. I thought of contacting the guy i last dated. He's a bit unsavory tho and i would just end up being afraid of him. He's got delusional disorder and has been to jail for assault. He vapes constantly and drinks and smokes up. I really shouldn't contact him but at least he would pay attention to me. I must not contact him. Every time i have gone with a guy due to loneliness i have regretted it.

It's just: i can't very well ask someone to go for coffee because of the darn pandemic. Always before when i felt lonely i would go to my mental health drop-in and chat and feel better. But it's been closed for months and has no signs of re-opening. I've gotten phone support from them before but i want to SEE people! There's a ZOOM event i may try tomorrow but i find ZOOM a poor substitute.

I left my dog inside tonight i was so determined i would have a decent chat with my neighbors. She fusses when i try and talk to people. But tonight of all nights they were not around.