IMO the above event was hard for you when it happened and when you first reprocessed it but, really, in the large scheme of your life a very small thing overall. It sounds like your H just doesn't get it and it also allowed him to focus on something besides himself. Sometimes we really trick ourselves and I include myself in this.

Once we tried family counseling. My H and I went and we were going to have the kids join at later sessions. It was obvious to us that it was going to be a waste of time. The three of us were not on the same page. And the counseling was supposed to eventually be for four with the therapist! It must be hard enough for a T to deal with one!