pach.. are you sure "on the watch for" isnt sometimes confused for "searching for evidence to back up my foregone conclusion?" If you decide ahead of time someone is untrustworthy, you will eventually find some shred to back that up. i've been doing that for a year now.. sometimes knowingly and sometimes not. My T says to just compare the good things he does with the anger.. is he really the sort of guy who would hurt me? i can say no, he wouldnt.. but the feeling still surfaces.

you could be right.. i have no idea.. you are aware of trust issues, no doubt as you have stated such.. i am wondering what the other side of the argument within yourself is like.. i mean, if you feel you should run.. what stops you from running? When you have these doubts, what does the other side of you say back to that?

i feel for you.. you're obviously very smart.. and obviously have faced a lot of terrible things. Feeling fear, anger, distance with or towards your T is a lonely place to be. None of what i said is meant as criticism, just honest questions that you dont have to answer. Up to you.