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Aug 04, 2020, 11:37 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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I know. I understand. I despise the "victim" feeling. This year in particular, though, I've finally let that judgment of myself go, as best I can. The fact is that there have been times, too many times, over the years of my life when I truly was being victimized. And I have also done a stand-up job of being a survivor.
It sounds to me that you can say the same about yourself, bpc.
On to your question. Yes. My answer is yes- I do have PTSD from certain actions I've taken while manic.
There is one incident in particular - it happened 2 years ago this month - I've mentioned it here a couple of times. I was working with a group of people on a public art installation, was in a manic episode, had the belief that it was my God-given right and responsibility to destroy the art work because I thought that the other members of the group had created garbage, had strayed too far from what the objective of the public art installation was. So one night I completely destroyed the installation. As a result I was viciously mal-treated by the other people in the group. What I did was very wrong, but their ignorance and cruelty was vile.
Long story...the manic phase continued, I was higher than 10 kites, then went over the rage edge and ended up being taken in handcuffs by 2 bullying cops to IP.
I go over and over that "event" in my mind...the length and breadth of it. I not only feel the feelings, I hear the sounds and feel such things as how my feet connected with the ground. That entire episode haunts me in a way in which...it feels like it's beneath my skin.
Anyway, I'm tired, but I want to give you a very basic reply 
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