I'm sorry you're going through this, bpcyclist. The trauma need not be permanent. It can be worked through. Have you talked about that with a therapist?

I don't know if I ever met the full criteria for PTSD, but I definitely experienced trauma because of my bipolar disorder. People with PTSD don't have full ownership of the word and some of its ramifications.

I went through a multi year period of severe symptoms and experiences of various kinds. Some particularly distressing and even "weird" stuff developed as that period continued. I called it a "psychiatric avalanche effect". Kindling played a part. Some stuff was seemingly more neurological than psychological.

I've worked through a ton these past years. Bipolar episodes, migraines, seizure-like stuff, musical hallucinations, phobia stuff, alcohol abuse recovery, short-term stimulant abuse, compulsive behaviors, maladaptively daydreaming, panic, other anxiety stuff, etc.

I am doing comparatively well now, but haven't been fully (or properly) functional in years. Maybe 15? I've been on some form of disability (private through my old job or SSDI) for most of those years. I made countless attempts to either return to work or prepare for a future return (volunteering, adult school classes, online college classes, auditing, etc.) but always crashed from the attempts. Two steps forward, four back. Three forward, one back. Five forward, six back. Yup! But I am in forward motion again, carefully, and with a huge coping toolbox, oodles of experience/insight, and other support. The Little Engine That Could.