I think once we are wired with these sorts of behavioral patterns, they always come back in various degrees when triggered. Our memories are there and the tendencies they trigger are there no matter how far removed we are from them. You patterned yourself to believe that reckless behavior was a desired event and then dealt with the outcome later separately. You were harming yourself even when it felt good. Tremendous harm. You have to start looking at it that way. When you lump the cause and effect in together to see if there is value you'll see this behavior is a huge loss every single time. Not worth it by a long shot.

You made great shifts to change the behavior, but the thoughts that you want what you want and the belief it will feel great remain. You cannot run from that, you can only reprogram the beliefs.

So... What to do about it? I think you have to train your brain to realize these are like ghosts of the past coming back to haunt you. You can engage with them and bring them back to life, but you already know exactly where it will go. You will enjoy it for a bit and then hate your choice and it will be even worse because you will be destroying what you've built with people you love including a child.

So it would potentially be better to tell yourself these are old programs running in your mind and they will go back into the memory bank where they belong if you don't feed them. Recognize the triggers and avoid them. Recognize your desire to repeat the behavior and why and then remind yourself of all the bad that can come of it. Focus on what you know truly works for you. Focus on what creates health and wellness in your life. Focus on what generates true joy instead of fleeting pleasure. Reward yourself for staying strong.

Over time, your brain realizes that when the trigger comes you always end up in a good for your place and you don't give in. Eventually, it will get a lot easier and you'll 'give up the ghost' more completely and choose the better path sooner.

And... I agree with bpcyclist. Drop the alcohol. It clouds your judgment and triggers these cravings. Start working a program to leave it behind as that will make everything else you're battling that much easier.

Don't throw away what you have. The grass is not greener on the other side and you already know that deep down or you wouldn't be fighting yourself on this.