Hi @whatsnext20, first off, welcome to the forums! Secondly, while I have NOT been through what you are going through, I have been on the brink of divorce before. I am married, but newly married, and no children. So while my situation may greatly differ from yours, I may be able to still impart some wisdom and advice.

It does sound like it's the end of the marriage for you. Bottom line: life is far too short to sacrifice what you truly want out of life, for the sake of another's happiness. As you stated, you've grown in different directions and want very different things out of life at this stage. It will be most unfulfilling for you, and therefore, unhappy, if you stay. It already effected your fitness and health routine when you first backed down. I think you owe to yourself to follow through with the plan of divorce, and honestly, to your husband as well. Because if you're unhappy going forward, it will show to everyone involved. And it will effect everyone involved.

That being said, being friends may be difficult to accomplish and could take years, after your husband heals. He is clearly hurting from this. But that doesn't mean you should back down and reconsider. It means that friendship is not possible yet. He will need time and distance..... it is to be expected. It's a long-term marriage that is ending. That can be very painful to the one who doesn't want it.

Your children are grown and will be able to handle it.

We have ONE life to live, and I say, live it as FULLY as possible, to the extent that is possible. And if staying in the marriage means being unhappy for you, then by all means, it's time to end it.

Hugs and strength to you. I know it takes a lot of courage to end a long-term commitment.