This may sound crazy, but I love your post. I had to look up the word cinereous, so that's my new word-of-the-day. I am the spouse of someone similar in you to many ways. The religious aspects of childhood guilt and shame were not there, but childhood guilt and shame were rampant in the upbringing just the same. My spouse also carried a "possible Asperger's " diagnosis for 5 years, treated by the head of the department at a university hospital, in the children's ward no less, because there were few if any in our area who specialized in adult Asperger's. A medically (accidently) induced psychotic break killed that diagnosis for a better one. Turns out, many years down the road, the childhood trauma, which looked a little like PTSD, found a very plausable home in Complex-PTSD. It might be worth a look. Every aspect clicks, no exceptions, which is a first. We have been married 30 years this month. I look forward to hearing from you again. Peace Out, from me, Going Gray