I’ve been balancing on the thin line between being rude and honest my entire life. People usually didn’t like me and that’s understandable. But lately I was like “hey, maybe we could meet someone, like a partner” and that’s the part when I got screwed and completely discouraged.

The whole “dating” looks to me like an acting competition. My unfortunate is that I pay close attention to people and their actions. I know how build attraction but almost 90% of those common “behavioral patterns” are not me. I am tired of pretending… and, well, I don’t know what to do.

I also noticed that other people got used to this bu******. A good friend of mine whom I knew since 3rd grade met me the other day and introduced me to his new girlfriend who joined a moment later. I did not know who is this guy. He was the man, masculine and attractive - obviously, but he’s not like that. His attitude toward several things we discussed changed in a way that made him look “more attractive”. It was a fu**ing joke, painful to watch. And I told myself “I’m not going down this road”.

So, does anyone know how can I spend my life alone and remain reasonably happy?