For the last two weeks, I have had someone from my past on my mind that I dated 24 years ago. We dated and hung out a lot. Never kissed or had sex but I really liked her. She was cool and a good person. This was before I was diagnosed with any mental illness. Back then I was self medicating with marijuana, alcohol, shrooms, etc.... I was all about feeling good and partying. Anything to not feel down.
I met her at school (Junior college) and we started hanging out. I really liked her but only thought we were friends. But looking back on it, I now know she wanted more but I was too wrapped in my lifestyle of partying and such.
I don’t know why all of a sudden I’ve been thinking about her and the time we spent with each other. I am happily married and have a comfortable life. My wife is such a strong person to stick by me even though I’m bipolar. The thoughts I’m having are making me feel a little depressed and making me wonder “what if”.
I’m trying to fall back on my CBT that taught me to not worry about what’s been done and things I cannot control. Also, it taught me that looking in the past causes depression and looking into the future causes anxiety. No matter how hard I try not to think about it, I cannot get her out of my mind. I try to tell myself that even if we were to have gotten serious, I would’ve messed it up because of my undiagnosed mental illness.
I guess being unemployed during the pandemic has given me time to dwell on things I wouldn’t normally dwell on. I am happy that I’m starting school in a week and hopefully it will keep my mind occupied.

Has anyone ever gone through this? Also, I hope this is the right category for this.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long story.