Thanks for your comment HH, it got me to reread this thread to confirm if I did color it differently. I didn’t say the abuse was all from him and then back down from that, blaming myself, changing my stance. I do see it quite accurately for what it is.

I did need to stick to one direction of my intention though, to commit to working it out or getting out of it. The swinging panic emotions have been crazy making. During the therapy session, I chose to commit to finding peace together with him.

The therapist said to me the goal is radical acceptance (or something like that) and I said I feel like I need to stop the toxic dynamic in the relationship first with husband (my son is going to continue to be unloving and my sister wrote me off), then repair the trauma that happened. The trauma has to first stop happening before being able to repair that which already occurred, IMHO.

That’s my take on it. Doesn’t that make sense?

The abuse my husband has dealt me over the years is in the form of sexual and emotional neglect due to his own lack of interest in me and refusal to meet my expressed desires and needs. It didn’t matter how I was nice or became depressed and angry, nothing changed this. Apart from this, he’s always been a kind spouse and father to our kids, although detached, but physically present.

I’ve gotten worked up and obsessed with this issue for so long, I ruined my life over it. I couldn’t knock it off, as my mother wisely suggested or stop focusing on him, as others said too. So, my thoughts are that my inability to do that are a symptom of my anxiety disorder that was always at play.