That’s it. I’m out. Done. Gone. I am completely overwhelmed and breaking down. Nothing is real. I don’t even know how I managed to get home safely from the pharmacy because I don’t even remember looking at the road.

They don’t have the depakote. They won’t until Monday. They refuse to call other pharmacies in the area to see if they have it. I’ve been off it for five days. Doesn’t seem like a lot and it probably isn’t a big deal but this is the straw that is breaking my weak camel’s back.

I am now at home. In bed where I will remain. My brain is shut down, I feel like I am disconnected. Major electrical shortage. Popped like the transformer did this morning. I feel nothing. I cannot allow myself to feel anything. Because I will feel everything at once.

I feel out of body and out of control. If I could go IP I would. It’s not an option.

I will just lay here, quiet, still, for I cannot feel or think anything else.