I'm only 37, I don't see myself being able to hold a friendship or a job. I raised my family, we're close but he's getting older and finding his own purpose. My husband is my care taker and he gets tired, He has his own issues too. I know you said "I take responsibility for obscuring certain variables to all the clinicians" I ask you to try and forgive yourself and work to be more honest and direct with your providers. It took my husband years to get a proper diagnosis because his (hypo)mania were not like mine so we thought his ups were normal. Our saving grace was/is our team of doctors. Do you have a therapist to help with sifting through your symptoms? I cried and cried when I received the BP dx. but it's not the life ender I thought it was when getting the diagnosis. Be careful about taking things you read online to heart because we all have different symptoms. So we all struggle with different things and succeed at different things.