But my boyfriend has lost his patience with me. I think I may have sabotaged a really good thing.

For starters, we have been together for a little over 3 years. We are in our early 30s. Long story short, I'm always doing what makes my family (specifically my mom and sister) happy, and trying to play mediator to make him happy, too.

I'm still not financially independent (insurance is still tied to sister). I also ruined his plan for a proposal (that he planned out for last November) because I was nervous and didn't trust him. I haven't made a plan that says to my boyfriend that I have his best interest.

I do trust him but I don't trust myself and always feel like I need constant approval from everyone to do big things like buy a house, car, where we live, or get married.

He has been patient with me but maybe that's because we pull through, things are fine, but then I say I need more time to figure stuff out. We just moved in together (after I dragged my feet and there was some drama with my family) in January). Ever since that dramatic day, it has tarnished our relationship. We fight or argue more now.

I feel like a kid. Always an extension of my demanding, broken family. I'm always on call. I feel like I'm doing my best as a girlfriend but when it comes to the big things, I run away.

I think it's because I'm the youngest in my family, the one who never plans, never has control. Other last born people can call the shots in their relationships, but me . . . I really f*cked up.

How do I save this relationship so I can give him reassurance that I got this and that I will fight for him?