guy, it's time to take some deep breaths as I can tell you are getting upset again. Honestly, the more you share about your wife, the more I see some strong narcissistic traits. With these individuals the only thing that really matters is how THEY feel. That's why some of the behaviors she exhibits keeps triggering you. It's a constant reminder of feeling "emotionally neglected".

This guy that responded to her when she boo hoo'd on FB? She doesn't care about him either, it's the ATTENTION she is thinking about that he gave her. She gets BORED without getting narcissistic ego feeds. If you are expecting her to be genuine and honest, forget it, aint going to happen. And she will continue to be impulsive as her priority is that narcissistic feed. She will also continue to go over your head constantly too as often all this kind of person does is see you as an obstacle of getting what THEY want. For example, she walked in and you were home all day and she got angry because the house isn't clean? Well, she wanted to walk into a clean house, did not get what SHE wanted so now you are the bad guy because she DOESN'T CARE how your day went or HOW YOU FEEL. You are only going to get praise or her fake petting when SHE is fed and satisfied, she has to have the control, even in therapy or else she will rage and rant. HER ego is what is important to her, not yours or that other guy's. She is a "consumer", not someone who thinks about how others feel UNLESS the other person can service her in some way, then they are useful. Otherwise, they are just 'bad" people to her. This therapist will only be worth it to her if HER EGO is fed, otherwise she won't like him/her. They are ok with not being nice to others, but NO ONE is allowed to have their opinion or feelings about things, it has to go along with HER agenda otherwise she is unhappy and the other person is wrong or bad. It's the only way they know how to cope and they are always looking for a feed otherwise they get bored. And they work hard on justifying this need for ego feeds, even to themselves. So, they often even gaslight themselves because they NEED that high. No, she doesn't think there is anything wrong with connecting with this other guy because he FED HER EGO.

Your triggers tend to present when you are being "emotionally neglected" guy. A part of you is also jealous in that now this other guy will get her attention, and that's what you need from her. But, it's important to understand that she doesn't really CARE about this other guy, instead ALL she cares about is getting her "supply". She set up bait of the "oh poor me" and she got a response she can feed off of. She doesn't care how that affects YOU guy, she just needs that FEED. Not everyone is a full blown narcissist, but there are individuals with some strong narcissistic traits. That means they often have fragile egos and need to get a feed to function. It's similar to binge alcoholism where the person doesn't drink every day, but, binges. This person doesn't think they have a problem because they don't drink everyday. So that allows them to embrace denial and will even say "I can drink less" or "I can go without for several days or longer".