Had a very severe panic attack last night. I think it was because of the L-Tyrosine. Not taking that again.

I told my mom to kick her bf out because I couldn't stand the way she talks and the way he talks it reminds me of abuse or stockholm syndrome. She reassured me that it wasn't like that way.

I got depersonalization because I was trying to focus outside in the cold while the Vyvanse was wearing off.

I didn't want to hear anymore of the drama so I told my mom to keep it down and I walked away, she still continued. I closed my door but the cat was OUTSIDE THE DOOR. So the cat started meowing at my mom and she was ignoring - What do I do in that situation? I lie on my bed, breathing with my hand on my chest - Panting.. intense panic forming "The door will be opened" so I opened the door and came to my mom and said "I don't know what you are" and not making much sense backing away from her and she said I'm being rude or something..

I don't give a **** about what is rude or not. I never did. I don't connect with social culture but I've learned to abide over time.

She said that I'm not well and got her bf to leave. I couldn't look at her in the eyes - My eyes were jotting around my vision - It was complete lack of focus. I couldn't focus.

I told her that I took L-Tyrosine to replenish my dopamine because I couldn't focus. I wasn't making any coherent sense at all - Just "I don't know what is real because of all the things"

I said I just wanted to go to sleep. So I tried to go to sleep, took 1.5mg of alprazolam - Had a thought that I would die in my sleep cuz I took phenibut but it was an irrational fear - and I knew that.

So I went to drink chamomile tea again, watched the news and couldn't understand any of it. The benzo and zopiclone kicked in and I went to sleep.

I woke up 6 hours of sleep or something. I could have a panic attack again when the Vyvanse wears off and I can't focus. It's ****ing hell.

I went to work though. Had a good day at work. I'll take it easy today.