I make it a goal not to worry too much or look too far into the future. I roll with the punches as they come. Life is constantly changing and many find balance at some point or another. Also, some patients find that symptoms decrease as they age like the volume is somehow turned down a bit. Sometimes diagnosis change. Mine is still evolving. I learn what I can each time and see how I can use the information to balance and stay as well as possible.

Thinking about it constantly reinforces the issue. It wires your brain to believe there is no other outcome. Being honest and present in the moment without predefining the future allows you to find a healthy path currently while remaining open to other possibilities down the line.

Doctors and therapists label us and give us information about what to expect. I understand why that is necessary. But... It is one thing to believe you will need to be vigilant towards looking for issues for life and another to believe you will constantly have issues. I hold hope for everyone here that with a balanced lifestyle they can enjoy periods of stability from time to time.

Instead of focusing on what you cannot control, perhaps start strategizing on what you can control. You can control what and how you eat. You can control whther or not you're doing something physical each day. You can make lists of activities and projects to add value and stay busy each day. You can do research and learn about your illness to get better insight. You can be honest in therapy and do the work to process some of your fears.

All of these things help you to lessen the effects of the disorder. It is like having a flashlight in the dark. The hardest part is overcoming your mind enough to force yourself to do it. That's a real battle and sometimes we lose, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't try every single day. You are worth the effort to fight for yourself.

And since the topic of telling your therapist your thoughts came up... You are approaching it like you are the best person to decide what is impactful and what isn't. You determine how much it affects you in the moment and only share the pieces you want. However, your therapist and doctor need the complete picture for two reasons. First, the types of thoughts you're having are symptoms even if you are able to fight them. They help your team know what kind of patterns your thoughts and emotions take. Knowing that can help them better formulate a custom strategy for you. And two... You are not in the best place to decide what is truly impactful and what isn't. Your insight is off a lot of the time. Stop trying to do their job and be a good teammate and give them what they need to do their job effectively. You may think something isn't important, but you have no idea what kind of long term effects the things you believe are trivial have. Let the experts do what you are paying them fully to do. Invest fully in the process for a long time and then determine whether or not the meds and therapy are helping. It is pointless to assess their efficacy as not working when you continually only give them a small piece of the puzzle to work with. They can only treat what they know about.

You say you're hopeless. I am infinitely hopeful for you. There is tons of potential for you to take more control over your situation. You have so much room to grow. There is so much you can try. I hope you can see that one day.