sarahsweets thank you for your reply. I did struggle with being the other man when she was married and we first got together. We had been friends for a year and a half and I never made any advances towards her. I was walking her home from the bar as her husband had left early and she tried to kiss me and say she wanted me. I told her I thought she was drunk and didn't want her to do something she would regret. This happens three times before I caved in and slept with her.

You are exactly right though I did what someone else did to me to her husband. I can try and make excuses that she told me her husband was becoming physically abusive ECT but it's really just an excuse. I did it because I was falling in love with her.

Maybe your right and I deserve her cheating on me because I helped her cheat on her ex. I can see that as a valid consequence of what I did. I guess I just thought that it was different between her and myself that we were truly in love but even needing to fix something's we would eventually be able to pull through it and have that life we always talked about.

Maybe I deserve this. I know I am not a good person. I have done alot of things in my life that haunt me. I can't take them back and can't suffer enough to make them better. Maybe I should just accept that I deserve this pain. Maybe it will pay for the things I've done.