Hi iraqvet75.. I am sorry you have had such a tumultuous relationship. I think you are like all of us, you have been in difficult situations and had to make difficult choices. I am happy that you are still here. We need people like you who are willing to accept their life for what it is and go on and make life the best it can be.

I think we all have made mistakes of varying kinds. I am not implying there is blame or punishment for our mistakes, but when we disobey the laws of gravity, gravity wins. I am not sure how to describe what is going on here in this complex situation, but it seems to me that when we make mistakes in our lives we end up living with the consequences. As someone who has blamed and scolded themselves for errors, the only peace I can find is to resolve not to make the same mistakes again. I also find by developing self-compassion and avoiding blame, that the pain from the past diminishes for me. I also have to do the same for others.

When I am in the pain and agony of the moment, it is difficult to see any value in what I went through. But in some way what I went through opened me up in a way that I had not been open before. I am not sure that is the only way I could go past the limited life I was living, but I did go through that and it is showing me a path to live my life the best that I can.

These may be of interest
Exercising Self-Compassion: A Mindful-Meditation

Change Self-Criticism into Self-Compassion

5 Strategies for Self-Compassion

Feel free to reply or send message to me
@CANDC