I just want to clarify that I felt that what I wrote was only a fraction that I wanted to express and thus very incomplete, but I did not have energy for more at that point. It seems to me that you quite rightly picked up this vibe from my post.
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Originally Posted by corbie
My understanding is that transference is on emotional level by definition, and distinct from therapeutic alliance. Like, there can be a good therapeutic alliance with negative transference, or the other way around. We did have a decent therapeutic alliance much of the time w xT, despite the strong negative transference, but in the end there were too many / too big ruptures with nowhere near enough repair.
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I think you are right in principle and still, I think in many cases therapists mix those things up, especially those therapists that do not explicitly work with the transference. From what I've read, many or perhaps even most therapists interpret agressive and rageful feelings towards the therapist as the sign that the treatment is not working and thus the patient needs to be referred. I don't know your specific story though, but it seems that your case did not fall into this pattern I was attempting to describe here.
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There's that, but I think it's more a matter of ways to cope than that of reward and willingness, at least for xT and a lot of others from what I've read. Like, xT was not afraid of negative transference per se, and was able to handle it to some extent, just not well enough or consistently enough to get through it. And yes, feeling worthless/bad/unlovable was a thing for her, but I think not so much because she felt entitled to a reward (though there might have been some of that too), but because it's terrifying.
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How much personal therapy had they received during their training? Did they receive therapy and/or supervision while working with you? It seems that you really hit hard to their blind spot.