Dear ghost bird, first of all, welcome to PC! I am glad you decided to join us. Your story is very familiar. We have many members here with similar experiences. You are a caring person, so it's deeply meaningful for you, & painful. We help each other here. It's a really good place. Find some friends here, especially ones who you relate with, so you can support each other. Good luck with everything! And I hope you have a wonderful day!