Im done trying. at least thats how i feel right this very second. My husband sat me down last night after i had a most violent mood swing, and basically told me he cant take living with my abuse any longer. He pointed out various facts which hed been rolling off his shoulders for the past 15 years. yesterday i hit the button on him and he exploded at me. At first i was mad, then sad, then wanting to try harder. see i changed my ways with my friends, but kept the same attitudes with him. so im getting better but worse?

last night he said a line i wont forget. it was "i can forgive but i need time" - which sent me into shut down mode. I have completely gone numb, not happy OR sad. Just feeling worthless, like a fake, like my life was a lie.

So.......Im leaning on you all one more time. (getting sick of hearing that?) How about this......I just dont feel like trying anymore. Im calling my T. I want to run away. take my dog. which an update so far. (ear infections, arthritis, waiting on blood tests still) but hes running like a pup again. just want to take my dog and dissappear.

I dont want to try. I dont want to tell anybody IRL because I already feel like i let my husband down. cant do that to everybody else...im sorry. dont even know why i posted this

me