I'm already really stressed out. I took a xanax because this morning was so stressful - Getting my check, waiting for ket mail - My watch band came instead, going to the bank to deposit it, going for a walk and my mom hiking with her heart condition and being stressed out, controlling me, my environment, explaining to my cousin what I do all day, ordering more benzos, the fear of dependency, possible mild heart failure and not being able to live past 30 - The world possibly ending anyways, the end of life and start of death, people dying - Me dying - "What's after death?"..

All I can do is listen to music to help kill the pain.

I can't really push myself to focus hard on anything because I could get dp/dr and then panic.