Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
“In reality, we cannot expect others to behave as we would, and people will always disappoint and will always act as we don't expect them to.”
^This has been a huge issue for me and my trigger. It’s the ‘will act as we don’t expect them to’ that really dumbfounds me and sends me reeling.
People usually do act as I expect them to, based on societal norms and my personal history with them. When they act out of left field, my mind obsesses sometimes over why they acted the way they did. I do figure it out though. It’s simply that they really didn’t care for me. Acceptance is much easier now that I understand that.
I’m appreciating the moments where I just do feel simple happiness and will keep trying to prolong that nice feeling. Hopefully, it will build. I will avoid my known triggers that cause great unhappiness. Neutral emotions are pleasant, too.
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I get triggered too by this. I was REALLY upset and rocked when two former colleagues did not reply to my request for a recommendation after being laid off and after working closely with each of them and helping each of them in different ways. I thought, wow, lend a hand and the favor isn't returned -- how awful.
It wasn't until I wrote a note to HR, explaining how disappointed I was in these two people, that my recommendations were immediately written and posted on my LinkedIn profile. She definitely guilted them and said something. And I'm grateful for that!
But yeah, when people act and behave out of left field in a way that leaves me feeling deflated, used, or stepped on, it's an awful feeling. I put my heart and soul into my work at my last job. And I had saved one of these individuals from total failure with a client.
Not everyone has the same heart as you/me. Not everyone is kind or gives back. Some people are simply just takers and are selfishly driven.
I've had to learn the hard way this most valuable lesson.
Now I will try to expect less.
But that doesn't mean that we have to ACCEPT less than what we deserve. We can choose to walk away from people and situations that disappoint us or leave us feeling deflated. We can CHOOSE with whom we wish to associate, be friends with and spend time with. We don't HAVE to put up with bad behavior. We can walk away. Another valuable lesson I've learned, and one that is CRITICAL for happiness.
