I’m not doing well today. Lots of SI and SH thoughts. Still struggling with the idea of (possible) abuse. I just want to push it out of my mind, but I can’t. I have to see my therapist today and I don’t want to. I definitely don’t want to tell her anything. I’m very embarrassed and ashamed that I let it go on for so long. However I do not want to continue feeling emotionally detached from RS. I want to heal, but I don’t know how.

I’ve decided to take seroquel on the regular, at least until work starts. I can’t risk going 24-36+ hours with no sleep again. I haven’t been really hungry, so I’ve been easily sticking to my calorie limit. I’ve gained back the five pounds I lost, which I expected. I’m just hoping I’m one pound lighter on my weekly weigh in. I don’t mind losing weight slowly. It’s excruciating but I know it’s the healthy way.

RS had a sinus migraine yesterday so he stayed home from work. When He was feeling better, We went on a hike, but only made it half a mile into the trail before confronted with a veritable rock climb steep as stairs. Surveying the situation, we decided it would be unwise to attempt it. We are not in the physical shape to handle it. So we turned back and headed out. Just as well, it was about 90 degrees and humid as hell. We’ll pick a new trail and try again on another day.