Hi - Welcome,

I can relate to the disappointment of spending time and energy towards goals that do not seem to have manifested. I have a similar fear. I'm about to complete my 5th year with my T. As I have stabilized, we've shifted focus towards more analytic, including the increasing number of sessions to 4x week now. I can clearly see the major changes from when I first started as I was very depressed and suicidal when I started. Now, I rarely even have violent or death wish thoughts. I still do not have friends, I still struggle with my feeding/disordered eating issues, I don't know what joy feels like, I don't have hobbies, or any of those things. I do things, I make to do lists of the things I want done and I do them. That's how I live my life. There's no pleasure in doing the things.

You talk about "a deep-seated emotional resistance", what does that resistance look like? How does it show up in your therapy? What have you tried to break through it? I figure you have already talked this out with your T. I'm curious as to how this path looks.

With Covid, I've had to move to remote visits. This has seriously impacted my therapy because a large portion of my therapy has been around play. If you have also moved remote, do you feel this has impacted your progress in any way?

Like Candc stated, if you have not tried meds, meds might be an option. Another thing might be to try to cut back on sessions rather than stopping all together. But really, anything that might shake things up might help or not. I looked into a psychodrama group thinking it might help but then got really scared and felt like it wasn't the right time. Not knowing what you are trying to work through it's hard to say what might be helpful. All of the things typically suggested help someone, which is why there are so many things out there to try. It kind of sounds like your gut is saying that it's time for a break. What would be the worst thing that happened if you honored that part of you that wants to take a break or wants to see what life would be like without therapy? After a rupture with my T, we went 6 weeks of doing mostly jig saw puzzles and we watched a few movies. It was my way of taking a break from therapy without taking a break from my therapist or the safety of that space. I tried a few times to talk early on and it made things much worse. Would your T be open to doing anything like that?