I just left a message on T's cell phone, semi-crying because the reality is setting in and I'm completely blaming myself, wondering how I allowed myself to get to this point, insisting that I could have/should have done something differently.

Now I'm crying even a little bit harder because I called the admissions department and found out that walkmans are not allowed on the units. I have no idea how I will survive a hospitalization without being allowed to retreat into my music.