Had a session with T on Saturday. It went well. I told her that I had been working on a the letter to the ER doctor (that I'm not going to send) to try to get all my emotions out so that way I'm not haunted every 25th of the month. I went from being angry with him to being hurt by him and then I didn't know what to do so I deleted the letter. I don't know how to explain hurt. I don't even know if that is an emotion. You said our feelings can be hurt. It's all so confusing for me. You said to write about the confusion.

Somehow we got to talking about my parents. You said my Mom was abusive to me when I was a child. You said that my Dad was neglectful. You might be telling truth but I'm not sure I want to hear it right now. My Mom did some pretty messed up stuff. I guess that could be abuse. I don't want to label it as such though. Just want to hide under the blanket and pretend nothing exists. I've considered my Mom abusive before but to hear you say it changes things. It's like it's more real. I don't want it to be real. And my Dad is a saint. So I don't know what's up with that. They did what they could. They did their best.


You said I have a lot of layers of hurt and anger, hurt and anger, hurt and anger in me. I don't feel anything.


So we are going to work on the letter.

Also I got to show you my scars that led me to being hospitalized. You said it wasn't that bad. I've been telling you that for months. The ER doctor flipped out. I am sure it looked worse before it was a scar but I still don't understand what all the fuss was about.


I wish you could hold me. I realize that is coming from a very young place in me. HUGS Kit