Speaking with my therapist was very comforting. I didn’t have to say anything specific; just that I have been dissociating when RS shoes me affection. She already knew about one incident with my husband that could elicit such a response, so she didn’t bother pressing for more. In fact, she said the “why” wasn’t important. All I need to recognize is that the part of my brain that is respond for this trauma response is not connected to my rational mind. At one time, the numbness served me well; to protect me from a real threat. Now it’s being triggered by the same situation, except the actual threat isn’t there. It makes sense. She said that with time and consistent practice, I could teach my brain to loosen the connection with the threat and remake connections with the present moment, which is not threatening. Such as, relaxing my breathing, practicing “open hands”, and one other thing I don’t remember. I am glad thAt I didn’t have to actually admit to anything. I believe I am going to instead make use of the journal I bought a few weeks ago, and try to work through the actual thoughts and memories myself. That way no one has to know my shame, and I can work on forgiving myself.